When sex becomes a task to succeed at, desire disappears. A Denver psychologist on performance pressure, shame, and getting play back.

Most of the conversation about emotional unavailability is about other people. How to spot it early, how to avoid dating it, how to leave it. That conversation is useful, but it skips the harder and more useful question: what if some of this is happening on your side of the relationship?

Emotional unavailability is rarely obvious from the inside. That's what makes it worth writing about.

You've seen enough posts on social media to have a good theory about what your attachment style might be. You're anxiously attached. That's why you check your phone eleven times waiting for a reply. That's why you often care more about others than they do about you in relationships. That's why a two-hour silence can rearrange your entire nervous system.

You want to bring up a need, a concern, or something that hurt your feelings. You rehearse it. You listen to podcasts. You read books on how to have difficult conversations. You brace yourself for an argument.

And somehow, by the end of the conversation, you were the one apologizing.

If you've found yourself in a relationship where you feel confused, criticized, and like you can never quite get it right no matter how hard you try, you may be wondering if your partner has narcissistic traits. Or maybe you already know and are trying to figure out your next step. Whether you're still trying to make sense of what's been happening, working up the courage to leave, or on the other side of it trying to heal, the right book can be a lifeline.

The elusive “spark.” That moment when two people’s eyes meet across a crowded room — instant chemistry. Is it love at first sight? Or something else…? As much as I think we would all love to believe that our soulmate is somewhere out there (we just haven’t made eye contact with them yet), the reality is a little less enticing. That sensation of instant chemistry or the “spark” can be misleading and is not the best indicator to use when deciding whether to continue seeing someone. This idea of an instant, electrifying connection has seeped into our collective understanding of what love should feel like. But is the “spark” really the best indicator of a potential lifelong partner? Or is it just a romanticized myth that can lead us astray?

Breakups don’t just hurt—they can feel impossible to move on from. If you’ve ever felt trapped in a cycle of waves of pain, replaying memories, or feeling like you just can’t let go of an ex, you’re not alone.

Research shows that the brain processes heartbreak just like physical pain, which explains why heartbreak can feel emotionally, mentally and physically painful. But what if there was a way to rewire your brain to heal and move past this pain?

That is one of the things EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy can do. EMDR was originally developed for trauma but is now being used to help people process breakups, let go of emotional pain, and move forward.

In the wise words of relationship expert Esther Perel, "You may be right, but are you wise?" This poignant question challenges us to reconsider our priorities during conflicts with our partners. Too often in relationships, the thrill of "winning" an argument can overshadow the deeper, more meaningful goals like understanding, connection, and mutual respect.

Do you feel like nothing you do ever enough to satisfy your partner? You are intentional and put exerted effort into pleasing and making your partner feel loved, only to feel like the goal post keeps moving. You are not alone in feeling this way and it is not an impossible issue to navigate. This is a common dynamic when one person in the relationship has an anxious attachment style. An anxiously attached partner may struggle with feeling secure in the relationship, leading to the internal belief that "I’m not good enough." If you find yourself loving someone with this attachment style, understanding their needs and learning how to navigate their emotional landscape will help both of you feel more connected and secure.

If you are aware of attachment styles you may have noticed the person you are dating has some avoidant attachment tendencies. Don’t worry, many people have avoidant or anxious attachment styles, and they are more likely to be single, so you will often run into them in the dating pool. Navigating the world of romantic relationships can be challenging, especially when dealing with different attachment styles. However, armed with understanding and self-awareness, it's entirely possible to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style. Below you will hear tips from our expert relationship therapists to help you navigate the journey of dating someone with an avoidant attachment style.

When you get engaged, it’s easy to get lost in the details of the wedding. Should we really invite that long distance cousin that we haven’t seen in years? Is the photographer worth that much money? But those are only questions you should be asking for the wedding, not for the marriage. Here are five things we recommend you do before you get married to prepare for a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your partner.

When we think of taking a break, we usually think of unhealthy couples going back and forth not being able to commit or stay broken up. However, that does not have to be the case! There are many benefits of taking a break, as long as you and your partner are aligned with the goals and expectations of the break.