Understanding the hidden patterns behind pushing away what we want most. 

Hint: It’s not self-destruction, it’s a form of protection. 

Have you ever found yourself pulling away just when things start to feel close? Picking fights out of nowhere? Shutting down when your partner shows you care?

You’re not alone.

Relationship sabotage isn’t always loud or dramatic. Sometimes it’s subtle: a distancing comment, an excuse not to reach out, a sense of unease you can’t quite name. And often, it's not about them — it’s about what your nervous system has learned to expect from closeness.

Have you ever wondered why your romantic partner manages to “trigger” you more than anyone else in your life?

There’s reason for that — Romantic partners are the closest thing we have to our early providers or caregivers. They occupy a uniquely intimate and vulnerable role in our lives, enabling them to activate deeply rooted emotional patterns and attachment dynamics.

Avoidant attachment tends to have a bad reputation. If you scroll through social media, you may find posts equating avoidant attachment with coldness, selfishness, or an outright fear/disinterest in vulnerability and intimacy.

Do you often feel like you’re pouring yourself wholly into a relationship, only to find yourself second-guessing yourself, craving more closeness, and feeling like you're chasing someone who pulls away? Or perhaps you’ve experienced the opposite—longing for space, desiring independence, or feeling suffocated by a partner’s constant need for reassurance and connection. If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing the complex dynamics of anxious and avoidant attachment styles. These two styles tend to attract each other - creating a relationship that can feel like a constant emotional tug-of-war.

Complex and challenging relationships with parents are one of the many struggles adults today face and seek guidance and healing around in our therapy offices. These struggles are often born from experiences and dynamics of childhood that continue to influence the parent-child relationship in adulthood. Sometimes, these dynamics are very evident, and other times they may be more subtle and hard to correlate with current experience.

Do you feel like nothing you do ever enough to satisfy your partner? You are intentional and put exerted effort into pleasing and making your partner feel loved, only to feel like the goal post keeps moving. You are not alone in feeling this way and it is not an impossible issue to navigate. This is a common dynamic when one person in the relationship has an anxious attachment style. An anxiously attached partner may struggle with feeling secure in the relationship, leading to the internal belief that "I’m not good enough." If you find yourself loving someone with this attachment style, understanding their needs and learning how to navigate their emotional landscape will help both of you feel more connected and secure.

If you are aware of attachment styles you may have noticed the person you are dating has some avoidant attachment tendencies. Don’t worry, many people have avoidant or anxious attachment styles, and they are more likely to be single, so you will often run into them in the dating pool. Navigating the world of romantic relationships can be challenging, especially when dealing with different attachment styles. However, armed with understanding and self-awareness, it's entirely possible to build a healthy and fulfilling relationship with someone who has an avoidant attachment style. Below you will hear tips from our expert relationship therapists to help you navigate the journey of dating someone with an avoidant attachment style.

An avoidant attachment style is characterized by a person who has a negative view of others and a positive view of themselves. Typically, this style develops when people have had more absent caregivers and have not had their attachment needs to be met. Due to not being able to depend on others to get their needs met, they may have difficulty opening up and trusting others.

Anxious attachment is one of four attachment styles that are thought to develop in our childhood and continued through our adulthood. These are based on patterns of behaviors that people have in relationships with others.

An anxious attachment style is characterized by a person who has a negative view of themselves and a positive view of others. Typically, this style develops when people have had their needs met inconsistently. Due to the inconsistency, they may worry about their needs being met in the future or if they are loveable enough to have these needs met.