ACTW Blogs Written by our Expert Therapists
Why Emotional Intimacy Can Feel Scarier Than Sex
Most people tend to think of sex as one of the most intimate things two people can do with one another. Yet, for some people, getting physically naked is a lot less scary than getting emotionally naked. With hook-up culture, situationships, and dating apps, it can be really easy to find yourself in a sexual relationship with someone, only to stall the moment they begin asking intimate questions about your life. Or, if you are in a committed relationship and the sex is really good, but you or your partner are at a loss when it’s time to talk about deeper topics, it can feel confusing. How is it that I can get completely physically naked with someone, but the minute the conversation turns toward emotional intimacy, it becomes overwhelming, uncomfortable, and scary?
You may be naked, but not necessarily known.
“Now What?” Understanding What Happens After Insight in Therapy
One of the questions therapists frequently hear after a client has identified an emotion, recognized a pattern, connected a present experience to something from their past, or become aware of a long-standing thought or belief is, “Now what?” Once something has been brought into awareness, clients understandably want to know what they are supposed to do with it. Therapy may have spent time slowing the experience down, putting words to what is happening, and understanding where a pattern or belief came from. Once that understanding is there, it is natural to wonder: What comes next?
Why Is Moderation So Hard? Understanding Alcohol’s Effects and Reassessing Your Relationship with Drinking
You do not need to identify as “an alcoholic,” experience a life-altering consequence, or commit to lifelong abstinence to begin gently questioning your relationship with alcohol. Sometimes curiosity begins with something much simpler. Maybe you have noticed feeling anxious after drinking, experiencing poor quality sleep, or regularly saying “I’ll just have one” and then staying out until bar close. Maybe alcohol has become your default way to relax, socialize, celebrate, or cope with the end of a difficult day.
They Were So Into Me, and Then Stopped
If you have ever found yourself in a relationship, or potential relationship, that began as a whirlwind romance, where someone seemed incredibly interested in you only to suddenly pull away after a few weeks or months, you may have found yourself wondering, “What happened?” Maybe they stopped responding to texts as quickly, became less affectionate or enthusiastic, or even stopped communicating altogether.
EMDR for Anxious Attachment: When Relationship Anxiety Takes Over
Have you ever sent a text, noticed your partner had not responded, and felt your stomach drop or your heart rate increase? Maybe your mind immediately began catastrophizing: They are losing interest in me. I did something wrong. They are upset with me. I am about to be dumped.
For someone with an anxious attachment pattern, a moment of uncertainty can feel destabilizing. A delayed response, a shift in tone, a request for space, or a minor disagreement may trigger an intense fear of disconnection. Even when part of you knows your reaction may be disproportionate to the situation, another part feels convinced the relationship is in danger.
When Sex Feels Like a Performance
When sex becomes a task to succeed at, desire disappears. A Denver psychologist on performance pressure, shame, and getting play back.
Betrayal Trauma Is Not the Same as General Trauma
Most therapists have some training in trauma, and therapists who have specialized in being trauma-informed and in different trauma interventions typically don't have any training in betrayal trauma. When a betrayal happens in a relationship, it has similar effects as PTSD, but needs to be treated differently than traditional trauma approaches.
Emotional Unavailability: How to Recognize It in Yourself
Most of the conversation about emotional unavailability is about other people. How to spot it early, how to avoid dating it, how to leave it. That conversation is useful, but it skips the harder and more useful question: what if some of this is happening on your side of the relationship?
Emotional unavailability is rarely obvious from the inside. That's what makes it worth writing about.
Is It Relationship OCD or Anxious Attachment? How to Tell the Difference
You've seen enough posts on social media to have a good theory about what your attachment style might be. You're anxiously attached. That's why you check your phone eleven times waiting for a reply. That's why you often care more about others than they do about you in relationships. That's why a two-hour silence can rearrange your entire nervous system.
Why You Always Feel Like the Problem After an Argument with a Narcissist: Understanding DARVO
You want to bring up a need, a concern, or something that hurt your feelings. You rehearse it. You listen to podcasts. You read books on how to have difficult conversations. You brace yourself for an argument.
And somehow, by the end of the conversation, you were the one apologizing.
Books That Can Help You Identify, Leave, and Heal from a Narcissistic Romantic Partner
If you've found yourself in a relationship where you feel confused, criticized, and like you can never quite get it right no matter how hard you try, you may be wondering if your partner has narcissistic traits. Or maybe you already know and are trying to figure out your next step. Whether you're still trying to make sense of what's been happening, working up the courage to leave, or on the other side of it trying to heal, the right book can be a lifeline.