Shadow work is a term used in spiritual and psychological communities to describe the process of identifying unintegrated parts of oneself, examining them, and integrating them back into the self. From a Jungian perspective, shadow work refers to making the unconscious conscious. It involves bringing forward psychological material that has been suppressed, exiled, or otherwise cast out of the self, bringing it into the spotlight, and learning how to reintegrate it. Examples might include resentment, anger, lust, arrogance, jealousy, or shame.
These exiled feelings or qualities are sometimes cast out because of societal messages about which emotions and behaviors are acceptable. We often begin receiving these messages from parents, caregivers, teachers, and other authority figures who help shape the developing psyche. In an attempt to raise a well-behaved child who can function within social and societal norms, adults may unintentionally communicate that certain parts of the child are acceptable while others are not.
This is not to say that every parent or authority figure is doing this consciously or with malicious intent. Usually, it is quite the opposite. People are doing their best with what they know to be true at the time. And yet, these experiences can accidentally lead us to cut off parts of our identity. Those disconnected parts do not necessarily disappear simply because we have learned not to express them. Instead, they can show up later in ways that cause distress or interfere with our ability to live authentically.
For example, imagine a child whose natural tendency is to take charge and direct other children during play. If that child is repeatedly punished or shamed for being “bossy” or “selfish,” they may begin to learn that their confidence and leadership skills are something to be ashamed of. Rather than learning how to use those qualities appropriately, they may repress that part of themselves altogether. They learn that becoming more passive is a safer way to earn their parents’ approval and maintain a sense of belonging and acceptance.
Over time, that child may grow into an adult who struggles with low self-esteem, has difficulty making decisions, or relies heavily on other people to provide a sense of identity and direction. The leadership qualities themselves were never necessarily the problem. The child simply needed help learning how to integrate those qualities with sharing, collaboration, empathy, and openness to others.
Had the child been taught that they could be confident and assertive while also making room for other people, the outcome might look very different. Rather than learning, “This part of me is bad, so I need to get rid of it,” they might learn, “This is part of who I am, and I need to learn how to use it well.” As an adult, this may contribute to a healthier sense of self, greater confidence, and more alignment with who they know themselves to be. It may also allow them to build relationships in which both people have room to be fully themselves.
So, what does this mean for someone who wants to begin the process of making the unconscious conscious? How does someone actually begin shadow work?
One place to start is by recognizing patterns that repeatedly cause distress or disruption in your relationship with yourself or others. There may be unmet needs that have gone unrecognized or unaddressed. This could look like chronic loneliness, problems with self-esteem, difficulty setting boundaries, repeatedly finding yourself attracted to the same kind of person who continues to hurt you, or carrying grief and resentment about how your life could have, or should have, turned out.
The underlying theme is often some form of disappointment or dissatisfaction with our relationships, our lives, or ourselves. Instead of simply asking, “How do I make this feeling go away?” shadow work asks us to become curious about it. What is this feeling trying to show me? What need is underneath it? What part of myself have I learned not to acknowledge? Once some of these patterns and unmet needs have been identified, another concept worth examining is projection.
Projection is a defense mechanism that can protect us from painful parts of ourselves that we are not yet ready or able to acknowledge. It occurs when a person unconsciously places their own unwanted thoughts, feelings, fears, or impulses onto someone else. In this way, projection can protect our self-esteem and ego from deeper feelings of shame, guilt, fear, or inadequacy.
For example, imagine that during an argument you say to someone, “No one will ever love you. You’re going to end up alone.” On the surface, the statement is directed at the other person. However, it may also contain information about your own internal world. It could reflect your own fears of abandonment, rejection, or ultimately being unlovable. Something that feels too painful to confront within yourself gets placed onto someone else instead. This is where shadow work becomes more complicated.
It can be extremely difficult to decipher what is projection and what is not. Not every criticism of another person is secretly about you, and not every painful emotional response means you have uncovered a hidden part of yourself. Sometimes someone has genuinely hurt you. Sometimes anger is justified. Sometimes another person really did behave poorly. Shadow work should not become a way of taking responsibility for things that do not belong to you.
Instead, the goal is to examine these thoughts and feelings with intention and curiosity so that the right wound is being addressed. We can begin asking ourselves: What belongs to me? What belongs to the other person? What about this interaction feels especially charged for me, and why?
This is also why it can be extremely helpful to speak with a mental health professional who can help you work through what is yours to own and what is not. The purpose of shadow work is not to blame yourself for every painful experience or eliminate the parts of yourself that feel uncomfortable. It is to become more aware of what has been pushed outside of your conscious identity so that you have the opportunity to understand it, work with it, and ultimately decide how you want to integrate it into who you are.
Individual Relationship Therapy, Denver CO
Shadow work and integration aren't about self-blame or forcing away uncomfortable feelings—they're about learning that every part of you deserves curiosity, understanding, and a safe place to land. You don't have to navigate unspooling old patterns, deciphering projections, or reclaiming hidden aspects of yourself on your own. Therapy can provide a compassionate space to process exiled emotions, untangle what is yours from what isn't, and integrate your full self with confidence.
Our clinicians at Authentic Connections Therapy and Wellness provide individual therapy for clients who are ready to move from internal friction to self-compassion and emotional healing, building a foundation where they can embrace who they are and cultivate authentic, secure connections.
Here's how to get started:
Get to know our clinicians and their specialties: Meet our team here to find the right fit for your therapeutic journey.
Learn about our approach: Read more about individual therapy and how we support clients through self-discovery and integration at ACTW.
Reach out: Schedule a free phone consultation. You don't need to have it all figured out before you contact us.
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